A Comparison Of My Daughters: Age 4

I'm going to do that thing that no mother should ever do: compare my children.  (To each other, not to anyone else's children...)

For the last few months I've been amazed by Rose and all the things she's up to.  So much so that I am constantly comparing her (in my mind, of course) with how Emma was at her age.  They are almost complete polar opposites.  It's astounding to me.

Emma at 4 - With 1 year old Rose peeking out the window.

Emma was always my quiet girl.  Well, once she got over being the baby that cried ALL THE TIME.  She was never a chatty kid.  She's 7 now and she's more chatty than before but still very content to sit and listen to what's going on around her.

Rose, on the other hand, was a quiet, easy-going baby, and now she never stops talking.  Just yesterday we watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and she talked through the whole thing.  "Who is that?"  "Where are they going?"  "When does Harry get his owl?"  "Is that person going to teach them?"  "That's a lot of children!" and so on.  I actually had to walk away, she was way too distracting!

Rose at 4 - always playing

The junior kindergarten experience is vastly different between the two girls.  To be fair, kindergarten education has changed since Emma started.  Rose is now having full-day everyday class where Emma went every other day and alternating Fridays.  Regardless, I think they would have had different experiences without that change.  They are vastly different kids!

Rose is now "air writing" everything she sees everywhere.  People's shirts, billboards and signs anywhere, and if words show up on tv.  She is so interested in letters (and numbers) and especially the ones in her name.  We have to trace words in every book we look at and she talks about the letters and the sounds and all that "academic" stuff all the time.  Emma never was interested in letters the same.  It was a struggle to "work" at school stuff with her.  Now (at 7) Emma likes words and reading and all that, but at 4 she had no interest.

The other big difference I'm seeing is the after school conversations.  Emma always told us she never did anything at school and it was "boring."  Rose, on the other hand, will talk for ages about who was at school and what they did and who was mean and all that.  I don't always understand what she's talking about, but boy does she talk!  She loves her class and her teachers and it really shows.  Not that I think Emma didn't enjoy her days then but she would rarely talk about it without considerable prodding from us parents.

I find it so fascinating that two little people who sprung from the same gene pool can grow and learn in completely different ways.  Life is a constant social experiment, especially when kids are involved.

Do we treat the girls differently?  Likely.  They are different people with different needs.  Rose needs the affection and cuddles and constant physical contact (especially when she's tired) while Emma is content to colour quietly or watch videos or movies alone, and without asking a million questions about what's going on.

We are fortunate that despite their differences (or because of them?) they are fast friends.  We don't really have "real" fights around the house.  Well unless they are with us parental people.  Sure, feelings get hurt (more often Rose's) but Emma knows how to work things out and give in to Rose when she's about to have a meltdown.

I'm intensely curious to see where the girls go from here.  Will Rose be fluently reading by age 5 1/2, due to this early interest in letters?  Will they stay emotional (and verbal) counterbalances to each other?  This raising kids business is way more interesting (and challenging!) than I ever thought.

Share your household's dynamics with me.  I love hearing other families observations of their kids and their differences (or similarities).  Post your comments below for me to marvel over!

Last Day of School - And An Awesome Compliment

Today is Emma's last day of grade 1.  She is not as excited as I thought she'd be.  I'm excited for her.  I think, perhaps, she will miss her friends, as her school encompasses most of the city (she's in Catholic French Immersion and there's only one in town.)

Rose was mad she didn't get to
go to school on Emma's first day
(Sept 2014)

We've had some trials and tribulations with her schooling this year.  Her mid-term report card was less than stellar - both the "grades" (checkboxes actually) and the comments from the teacher (which were not very helpful).  Luckily we worked with the school to overcome some of the issues we perceived (sometimes incorrectly).

She started "reading group" and is now much more interested in reading, thankfully!  (I'm a voracious reader so I can't imaging my children not liking to read!!)  And I think the rest of it was just that she wasn't ready yet.

Transitioning from play-based Kindergarten to "regular class" in grade one has got to be difficult for these kids - and for the teachers who are used to kids coming from the previous style of Kindergarten.  Rose is going to start Kindergarten this fall, and she will get the full experience of all day, play based; whereas Emma started when it was still every other day, so their experiences will be different.  I'm so interested to find out how Rose's adjustment will be.

I'm a bit nervous to see Emma's report card, but it can't be much worse than her mid-term card was.  I am sincerely hoping there's been improvement.  The thing that gets me the most about her schooling this year is the lack of teacher communication.  If my child is not performing where you think she should be, isn't it the teacher's job to tell me that?  To suggest more work at home, or other resources?  We had to call the school and ask about reading help, no one told us that resource was there.  And if you don't think she's struggling why did the "report card" suggest she's barely meeting the minimum requirements for her class?

Maybe I just don't understand fully how the schooling system works.

Anyway, on to my awesome compliment.

I was walking back from Emma's bus stop and I saw a neighbour friend coming out from her apartment across the street.  I could tell she wasn't sure it was me, so I took off my ballcap (it's sunny at the bus stop) and waved at her.  She changed direction so we could have a chat.

I caught up to her and she said "It is you!  I couldn't tell.  I was thinking 'Who's that young girl walking this way?'"  Isn't that awesome?  I'm wearing a dress she likely hadn't seen before, but still!  I was quite pleased.

I guess it's time to get ready for work.

Toodles!

Four Year Old Battles

I think Rose is going through the Frustrating (or Frustrated) Fours.

Four Year Old Rose

I can't answer any of her questions right, and I don't make her food right, and everything she says she changes her mind right after I've done what she asked me to.  For instance this morning: "I want an english muffin with one side regular butter and one side peanut butter."  So terrible mother I am, I made her an english muffin with one side regular butter and one side peanut butter.  She ate the regular butter side and then had a fit because "What I meant by peanut butter was more regular butter!"

I don't know if anyone out there has tried to remove peanut butter from other food items - sometimes it's possible to scrape it off toast, but english muffins, with all their tiny holes, are a lost cause.  So she just threw a fit and refused to eat it.  Ok, well I guess that's what I'm having for breakfast now.

Why does this happen?  Lately I'm getting a lot of "What I meant by no (or yes) was actually yes (or no)"  This makes it very difficult to actually talk to Rose about anything.  Anyone else go through Frustrating Fours with their kid?  I know this is happening now because she did not have "Terrible Twos" and I am being punished for that.

Anyway, if you have any ideas/tips/tricks to deal (or combat) this stage, please please share them.  Or even just some stories about how this happened to you too so I don't feel totally inadequate!

Toodles!

Why Do Large 4 Year Olds Still Love Laps?

My youngest daughter, Rose, is a girl who loves physical contact.  Sometimes it's the kind parents like to discourage (hitting, pulling, etc) but usually she just wants someone to sit next to her on the couch so you can cuddle.  It's very cute.

Rose is now 4.  She's big.  I'm not super big.  She really does not fit on my lap any more.  But she still thinks she's a lap baby.  On the couch this is acceptable as I can usually adjust to be comfortable, but at the dining room table, while I'm drinking hot coffee and trying to read my emails (or god forbid type something!) it is much less comfortable.

I really don't want to discourage her love of human contact, but how can I keep her off my lap for just those 15 minutes I need in the morning to eat and catch up with the world?  If she does manage to climb up there she then wants to "make letters!" or "push the arrow!" which is fine if I'm just browsing around, but after about 2 minutes my legs hurt and I have to get up.  Then she gets the computer and I'm left standing, drinking my coffee.  Not quite fair.

I know distraction is best, but the tv is already on, her Dad's lap is somehow inferior to mine, and I'm just a human contact magnet I guess.  Do your (large) kids still insist on lap time?  Do you let them and suffer the consequences? or have you find a solution?  Please do share any ideas or insights you've discovered!

Toodles!

Weekend anxiety

I felt a bit stressed out this past weekend.  Patrick was away Saturday, the girls didn't go to church Sunday, and I just felt so disconnected with everything.  I was at the end of my monthly "visitor" and the weather was all over the place and I had a few acute bouts of my "mom anxiety"as I like to call it.  You know, when you can't handle anything, especially related to your kids.  Like when they tell you they feel sick and then you're constantly "on" just waiting for the moaning and groaning or "Mom!  I'm gonna throw up!" and you can't sleep or do anything that requires attention because half your brain is occupied thinking about where the closest toilet is, or any other receptacle for catching the mess.  Ya, fun times.

My first "mom anxiety" involved taking the girls to the Tett so Rose can have her dance lesson.  The Tett Centre is a fabulous Kingston resource for anyone interested in arts.  Every Saturday they have a free drop-in session with an artist who has a studio in the centre.  It's kid oriented on Saturdays, but they are supposed to be running more adult geared stuff too.  Anyway, I can drop Emma off at art, then go upstairs with Rose and then go back to art while Rose is dancing.  For some reason this week being separated from Emma for so long (Rose and I were early for dance so we sat upstairs for a long time) caused me distress.  And I know, in my logical brain, that she's totally fine and she does this every week - the artists know her and know we are up at KSD - and there are other dance sibling there with and without parents, but my "mom brain" wouldn't stop dwelling on any- and everything that could be going on in the art area.  Of course, when I got down there she was fine and had done a ton of stuff,

Next item in the "mom anxiety" world was the sprinkler.  It was hot Saturday afternoon so we had the sprinkler out.  Lovely neighbour girl was visiting, got her swimsuit, everything was fine but I couldn't deal with the fact that they were barely in the sprinkler.  So I wanted to turn it off, but that made everyone mad.  So I tried to sit and read my book while they played willy-nilly in the yard and on the climber and in the sprinkler, but I could not focus on reading.  The girls were great, they played fine, they asked for freezies, they told me when they were done, but that still didn't quiet the nags inside my brain.  Maybe part of it was knowing I couldn't "tag out" and let Patrick watch them for a bit since he was working.  I don't know, but I do know that I could have been inside as I usually am when they're playing, but for some reason having the sprinkler out really amped up the anxiety.

There were Sunday episodes as well, but I don't want to bore you with all my personal issues.  I just need to talk about them sometimes.  Believe it or not it helps the anxiety to talk about it.  Especially to people who I may not even know, because who cares if you're judging me and my ridiculous brain?  Oh wait, my "mom anxiety" cares...

Toodles!

Happy Bedtimes Are Best

I'm finding the best time to write is between bedtimes.  As long as Patrick is home too, otherwise forget about taking 10 minutes for myself!  Rose starts her bedtime at 7 or so, and if she's having a good night we're done by 7:15 - but if it's a "bad" night (or I waited too long to start bed and she's overtired) it can be drawn out for 30 or 45 minutes.  On the bright side Emma is quite patient and easily entertained on those nights where I'm busy for-what-feels-like-ever with Food TV or YouTube or some other screen time thing.

I find it interesting how bedtime routines change over the small child lifetime.  I started this journey with a baby who would only nurse to sleep, and then would only stay asleep while being held - god forbid you set baby Emma down when you thought she was asleep.  A baby swing was a huge help, but you can't let your baby sleep in one of those all night!  Napping basically only happened in the car and we co-slept with her so she could nurse to sleep and then not be moved.  That was a rough habit to break, but looking back now I barely remember it.  Likely because she had a lot of endurance and would cry for an hour (or more) at night before she learned how to self soothe.  But she did, and now her "bedtime" is actually a very long process as she and Rose start at about the same time (7pm) but she isn't actually in bed ready to sleep until 8 or slightly after.  She usually has her Dad time where they read books together and then watch her cooking shows that she loves.  Once I'm done with Rose I can escape to my blog if there's time left, otherwise I watch a few minutes of tv with them and then read Emma a story or two, have "conversations" for a few minutes and then turn out her light - or at least say goodnight if she's not entirely tired and she'll "read" for a bit and turn out her own light when she's done.  The change is night and day with her.

Rose went the other way - she started out as a great baby.  You could nurse her, take her off, burp her, change her, whatever and she'd be happy to be laid down sleepy but awake and just nod off on her own.  We used a soother a bit with her but then she found her thumb, and now we're working at breaking that habit (although not too hard, yet.)  Then she got older and more demanding as a 2 and 3 year old where I got stuck reading 5 to 10 books a night, because I knew if I just read them I could then get out and move on to Emma - otherwise Rose would cry and carry on and keep coming out of her room and not sleeping.  I'd try occasionally to put my foot down, but the sad, teary face broke my heart every time and I'd give in.  But thankfully she's grown out of that phase and we are down to 2 books a night (3 if she chooses her "barn books" which are in a cardboard barn as a set so of course you have to read them all...) then kisses and goodnight.

Bedtime can be the sweetest time of day when you get one-on-on time with each child.  You can have a few quiet minutes talking about how the was and how you had fun together.  I know as they get older bedtimes will change again and they won't need the longer Mommy time and I will surely miss it.  I guess I'll have to try harder to soak it in and not rush through it as I'm wont to do on the million-story evenings.

Toodles!