I felt a bit stressed out this past weekend. Patrick was away Saturday, the girls didn't go to church Sunday, and I just felt so disconnected with everything. I was at the end of my monthly "visitor" and the weather was all over the place and I had a few acute bouts of my "mom anxiety"as I like to call it. You know, when you can't handle anything, especially related to your kids. Like when they tell you they feel sick and then you're constantly "on" just waiting for the moaning and groaning or "Mom! I'm gonna throw up!" and you can't sleep or do anything that requires attention because half your brain is occupied thinking about where the closest toilet is, or any other receptacle for catching the mess. Ya, fun times.
My first "mom anxiety" involved taking the girls to the Tett so Rose can have her dance lesson.
The Tett Centre is a fabulous Kingston resource for anyone interested in arts. Every Saturday they have a free drop-in session with an artist who has a studio in the centre. It's kid oriented on Saturdays, but they are supposed to be running more adult geared stuff too. Anyway, I can drop Emma off at art, then go upstairs with Rose and then go back to art while Rose is dancing. For some reason this week being separated from Emma for so long (Rose and I were early for dance so we sat upstairs for a long time) caused me distress. And I know, in my logical brain, that she's totally fine and she does this every week - the artists know her and know we are up at KSD - and there are other dance sibling there with and without parents, but my "mom brain" wouldn't stop dwelling on any- and everything that could be going on in the art area. Of course, when I got down there she was fine and had done a ton of stuff,
Next item in the "mom anxiety" world was the sprinkler. It was hot Saturday afternoon so we had the sprinkler out. Lovely neighbour girl was visiting, got her swimsuit, everything was fine but I couldn't deal with the fact that they were barely in the sprinkler. So I wanted to turn it off, but that made everyone mad. So I tried to sit and read my book while they played willy-nilly in the yard and on the climber and in the sprinkler, but I could not focus on reading. The girls were great, they played fine, they asked for freezies, they told me when they were done, but that still didn't quiet the nags inside my brain. Maybe part of it was knowing I couldn't "tag out" and let Patrick watch them for a bit since he was working. I don't know, but I do know that I could have been inside as I usually am when they're playing, but for some reason having the sprinkler out really amped up the anxiety.
There were Sunday episodes as well, but I don't want to bore you with
all my personal issues. I just need to talk about them sometimes. Believe it or not it helps the anxiety to talk about it. Especially to people who I may not even know, because who cares if you're judging me and my ridiculous brain? Oh wait, my "mom anxiety" cares...
Toodles!
